Well if anyone wants to help my gf & I to be able to eat anything tonight, it would be really appreciated. Being 25 & a lesbian seems to be working 2 PM to 11 PM to pay $1800 to live in a studio & try not to freeze/starve to death.
The first funny bitch was Cain, who straight up lied to God after killing his brother.
God: where’s Abel?
Cain: fuck if I know??? I’m not in charge of him
It is TRAGIC that you can’t read this in the original Hebrew.
God: Where’s the Sheepkeeper?
Cain: Do I LOOK like a Brotherkeeper?
God: hey where’s Abel???
Cain:
He killed his yonger brother in cold blood because he was jealous of him. There is in no way anything funny about this. No hesitation just poped a rock over his turned head, droped his body over the edged and tried to lie to god about what he did. FUCK YALL CRAZIES!!!
oh are those the receipts, Cain is problematic now?
Anonymous: Did you ever go back to the Salt and Pepper diner?
at my show he told us about this!! and then he also said that he got arrested with the same friends he went to the salt and pepper diner with and they were all named john and the police officer had them all lined up on his car and he asked the first guys name and he said john and then he asked john mulaney and he said john and then the officer said “if you say your name is john youre all going to jail” and then he said his name is john and the officer lost his shit
alright but what if every single one of the harry potter main characters eventually have a kid that they name “Fred” without knowing anyone else also did this (so now there’s fred potter, fred weasley, fred longbottom, etc) except they’re friends so all their kids are friends and as soon as one of them gets in trouble someone’s yelling “FRED” and 3-6 kids are turning around going “WHAT DID I DO” and I think that’s exactly the kind of chaotic legacy Fred would’ve liked to leave
Fred, Fredd, and Freddy sounds great!
i made this post two years ago and this is the only worthwhile addition anyone has ever made on this post
You notice how Trump demolished the food safety laws and now, in the past month, we haven’t been able to eat lettuce, eggs, Tyson chicken, and watermelon because there are huge bacteria outbreaks?
